


Yestoday.

by kunfucious



Series: try again. [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Breakups, Butterfly Effect, Doyu in the beginning but its Dotae endgame, Fluff and Angst, I mean i guess its not really that angsty but oh well, M/M, Self-Discovery, Time Loop, doyoung relives the same day over and over, fortune teller johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28391577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kunfucious/pseuds/kunfucious
Summary: If you could turn back time and fight for someone, would you fight for your love? Or will you learn to accept that some things happen for a reason? And maybe, it turns out even better than you could expect?Or, Doyoung finds himself reliving the day Yuta breaks up with him over and over again, and starts to realize that maybe he was missing something very important all along.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta
Series: try again. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119668
Comments: 29
Kudos: 124





	1. Love Again

“It’s the first of the month! You know what that means~~”

Doyoung sighed as he looked at his friend, hopping quickly to catch up with his energetic walking pace. 

“Taeyong, you really gotta stop relying so much on getting your future predicted, especially  _ every month _ . I mean… isn’t it kind of made up bogus? Do any of your fortunes  _ actually  _ come true?”

Taeyong stilled, biting his lip before whipping around to the other. “Of course they do. But it’s not so much about  _ predicting  _ the future. I mean we still have free will. It’s just a way to get a second opinion about life, what choices you might have to make… what  _ could _ be.”

“...You already lost me.”

They round the corner, finally turning into a coffee shop. After placing their orders (a simple Americano for Doyoung, while Taeyong opts for whatever the Barista suggests that has the highest sugar content- today it’s a vanilla bean Frappuccino), they take a seat to wait for their drinks. 

Taeyong leans back in his seat, examining Doyoung like he’s an insect under a magnifying glass. 

“You know what your problem is, Mr. Cynical?”

Doyoung picks up a straw, tearing open the wrapper with his teeth and projectile-blowing it towards Taeyong’s head. “What, you’re gonna tell me to believe in that crap?”

“I’m not gonna tell you to believe in it, I’m just saying don’t knock it before you try it. It might give you some insight.. Or inspiration. You’ve been having trouble writing your book lately, right?”

Doyoung scratched his head, sighing in agreement. “I’m just in a bit of a … block. Nothing a little fresh air and time away from my computer can’t fix.”

“Perfect! Then you’re coming to my reading with me later. And you are gonna get your cards read too.”

“You don’t expect me to really spend money--”

“No, I don’t,” Taeyong interrupted, “which is why I will magnanimously pay for you. Because that’s what friends do. Force them to do stuff with you by paying their way. So what do you say?”

The barista calls out their drinks, and Doyoung gets up to retrieve their drinks. Returning to the table he unceremoniously slams them down, giving Taeyong a petulant look. “I guess I don’t have anything better to do. Yuta is busy and--”

“Hey, what did I say about mentioning boyfriends while I’m around?”

“ _Hopeful_ _Fiancé_ actually, and you’re just bitter that you’re single.”

“I think  _ you’re  _ bitter that you actually see me more than your  _ mans _ . Good luck trying to tie him down with marriage.” Doyoung mocked throwing his drink at the other, making Taeyong promptly shut up.

  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, I’m gonna be home a little late, Taeyong is dragging me to some fortune telling session or whatever.”

A soft chuckle greets him on the other side of the line. “That’s fine, Mark and I are working through some melodies still. We might be a while too.”

“You’ve been staying later and later,” Doyoung is sure his concern leaked through his voice, but he didn’t really care. That was one thing about your boyfriend being in a band, it seemed like his days were filled with practice and nights booked with doing gigs at all the local bars. The truth was their schedules right now were so different, Doyoung felt like he clung to every second they actually could spend together. “Make sure you are taking breaks, and getting enough to eat. And ramen doesn’t count either--”

“I know Doyoung. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be home soon.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” The words are a little hesitant, but he can almost feel the smile on the other end, before the call ends.

There’s a knock on his door before suddenly Taeyong is barging into his apartment. 

“What’s the point of knocking if you’re just going to come in anyways?” Taeyong just gives a nonchalant shrug in response, before they grab coats and head out the door. 

The sun sets, casting a red glow over the city. Doyoung would find it eerie if they weren’t already late and in a hurry, and they just barely get to the Tarot reader in time. Doyoung glances around at all the mystic items, from multicolored crystals and strongly-scented candles littering the table to various buddha figures adorning the door frames. The whole place has an otherworldly vibe, one that personally Doyoung would like to be far away from as soon as possible. But not wanting to go back on his word, he takes one last glance at his surroundings before reluctantly taking a seat at the table. 

“Taeyong, nice to see you again! How are you?”

“Oh you know, same as always. My friend here has been abandoned by his boyfriend, so I figured I’d keep him company. I will say, he’s… a bit of a skeptic.”

Doyoung immediately felt his face color at the sudden shift of attention onto him. 

“I-I mean, I don’t--”

The fortune teller chuckled well-mannered. He (yes, Doyoung was surprised it was a man, he thought psychics were typically mysterious ageless women) was a fairly young and objectively handsome man, seemingly around his age. Doyoung wondered to himself what he had really been expecting a tarot reader to look like, because this guy was pretty normal looking, in almost an anti-climatic way.

“That’s quite alright. You don’t have to feel embarrassed. Hopefully I will be able to change your mind though. The name’s Johnny,” He punctuated with a smile, and flourished a decorative business card, which Doyoung instinctively pocketed.

He turned back to Taeyong, and the reading began. A shuffling of cards, some general assumptions and suggestions offered, to which Taeyong eagerly ate up. Doyoung still wasn’t quite seeing the appeal, when it came to be his turn. 

“All right, since you haven’t seen me as many times as Taeyong, instead of a monthly reading I’ll just give you a general reading. So I can see what kind of energies we’re working with here.” Johnny picked up the deck and began shuffling the cards, closing his eyes for a moment before locking eyes with Doyoung. 

“Is there any question you want to ask? More specific the better. Try to avoid ‘What’ or ‘when’ questions, like ‘who will I marry’ or ‘when will I get married.’ ‘How’ and ‘Why’ are much more powerful. Remember, we are not aiming to  _ predict _ your future, that is up to you. We just want to examine possible courses of action that will lead you to becoming your best self.”

Doyoung felt put on the spot, but nonetheless scoured his brain. That was a lot of rules to remember. And he hadn’t really thought that far yet as far as planning a question goes, but he settled for one that popped in his head. “How will my relationship with my significant other develop over time?” Taeyong gave him a look he couldn’t decipher, before averting his eyes just as quickly, as if upon being caught he was now trying to feign disinterest.

Johnny nodded thoughtfully, absorbing the question as his skillful hands cut the deck once, twice, three times, and spread it into a neat fan. 

“Go ahead and pick 5 cards for me.” Doyoung didn’t know if it was supposed to be random, or if you picked based on gut feeling, so he just let his hand follow whatever his eyes landed on first, somewhat satisfied with his choices and handing them over to Johnny.

“Since you don’t know a lot about readings, I’ll explain briefly before we get into it.”

He began laying the cards down on the table in front of them, still face down. 

  
  
  


His fingers hovered over the center card for a while before he flipped over. “This first card represents the Present.” 

He flipped it over, nodding and smiling to himself. “Well, that seems about right. I assume your relationship is going pretty well right now, if you picked the Lovers card. But maybe you will be facing choices, tough decisions. Rearranging priorities. So far though, there’s nothing abnormal there. Let’s keep going so we can gain more context for the situation. The next card will be the Past.”

_ Flip.  _ “Interesting. Ok, so we have the Eight of Cups. Cups cards usually deal with relationships and emotions, so very relevant to your question. However, the fact it's an Eight of cups… in your past, you were really withdrawn, weren’t you?”

Doyoung considered it, before slowly nodding. I mean, sure he was a shy kid, but he doesn’t really get what that has to do with anything.

“This card is indicative of escapism and withdrawal, so perhaps you were a kid who really enjoyed daydreams better than reality. It also seems like you don’t really like talking about your emotions that much.” Taeyong clamped his hand over his mouth to muffle the chuckle, but a second too late, Doyoung giving him a warning glare.

“..Sure. I mean, I had a pretty happy childhood though? And I’m content now. So what does that have to do with my relationship?”

“Patience, young grasshopper,” Johnny grinned at his own cheesy line, “That we will get to. Future Card: we have--” He pauses, smirking to himself before continuing, “the Hanged Man. Very interesting… it means in the near future you may be feeling stuck, like you can’t go anywhere or you feel you don’t have a lot of options. This is usually viewed as a good card though, because it means you will have a changed perspective, or “enlightenment”. Maybe you are stuck on a particular mindset, and there are some aspects of your life or relationship that need to be reconsidered. Sometimes we need to have our lives flipped upside down in order to see what stays right side up. Now onto the last two cards...”

Doyoung didn’t know why, but he felt anticipation building as he wriggled in his seat. “Whatever cards we get are  _ question _ and  _ potential _ . So one will be an answer to your question, and the other is what that might mean for you.”

He flips over the last two cards, and Doyoung can immediately feel the mood of the room drop. Johnny and Taeyong give each other some sort of look that Doyoung doesn’t quite understand, but he can tell something is wrong. 

“What, what does it say?” Doyoung implores. Despite himself, he’s now fully invested.

“The Death card, in reverse, and Tower. When cards are in Reverse, it means their meanings are either the opposite of normal, or lessened.”

“So what, does that mean instead of death, it’s like… about birth or something?”

Johnny chuckles, but his teeth graze over his lips, biting at the flesh (a nervous tic, he assumes). “Not quite. Now the Death card normally is not actually about death, but more so change or new beginnings. The fact that it is reversed means that you have a resistance to change, and you are unable to move on.”

“That doesn’t seem like a bad thing?” Doyoung asks, confused. “I mean I intend to propose to him tonight, I’d hope that I wouldn’t need to move on from him.”

Taeyong butts in at this. “Not to read for Johnny,” Johnny gives him an encouraging nod to continue, “but its not just that-- the fact that its paired with the Tower card. That’s for Disaster, upheaval, sudden change, and revelation.”

“You didn’t tell me you could read Taeyong, you could’ve saved yourself some money by reading for yourself!” Doyoung attempted to joke, trying to lighten the mood. Judging by the stoic looks on the others' faces, had failed miserably.

Johnny takes over the reading again, elaborating, “Your relationship may be ill-fated. Something is going to tear you two apart early, and irrevocably. So the cards are telling me to let you know that perhaps this relationship should be reconsidered, or that you need to see things from a new angle. These things happen, but remember nothing is for certain. You still have the chance to change your fate. And it seems that whatever change you encounter really is for the better.” 

“Ok now you’re just quoting Merida from Brave..” Doyoung mutters under his breath. He unfolds his legs and gathers his bag next to his feet. “Thanks, but I think I’ve heard all I need to hear. Let’s go Taeyong.” 

“Sorry Johnny, I’ll talk to him--- thanks for the readings!” Taeyong hastily threw some bills on the table, scurrying out of the shop to catch up to Doyoung. It didn’t help that while they were inside the shop, it had started raining, so by the time they were on the street it was pouring rain. 

“Doyoung, wait up! That was rude, to just run out like that!”

“Johnny seemed like a nice enough guy, but that doesn’t change the fact that that shit is all made up. Like I’m really gonna buy the fact that ‘something is gonna tear us apart’ or whatever. He’s just trying to con you out of your money to weave you some tale and get you to spend even more to find out how to ‘fix’ it. Forget it, I’m going home.”

Taeyong watched Doyoung’s figure retreat into the rain, shaking his head and turning to head the other way. “Doyoung… why can’t you see things as they really are?”

  
  


\---

  
  


He gazed at himself in the mirror, shaky hands smoothing out non-existent wrinkles from his dress shirt, and running them through his hair one last time as he heard a key turn the lock to the apartment. He looked over the flowers, chocolates, presents, and elaborate dinner he had meticulously prepared for when Yuta came home. 

Anxiety lurked in the corners of his mind, thoughts flashing back to earlier that day. For some reason, he couldn’t shake the paranoia.  _ No, stop scaring yourself. It’ll be fine,  _ Doyoung thought to himself. Seeing Yuta’s smile as he entered the door, he realized he had no reason to worry.

He snaked his arms around Yuta’s waist, the other lightly placing his palms on the side of Doyoung’s face. He went in for a kiss, but the latter turned his head at the last second, Doyoung’s lips grazing his cheek instead. He dismissed it, but that horrible feeling of insecurity crept back in like it had never left in the first place. Doyoung hated feeling weak like this, so susceptible to let his emotions completely take over. 

He didn’t have much time to contemplate the mood of the room, as Yuta was now walking towards the dining table, where a beautiful dinner was laid out in front of them.

“What’s all this? You didn’t have to go all out for me, you know I eat takeout half the time anyways.”

“You’re worth it,” Doyoung plastered on his most convincing smile. He wasn’t going to let such silly paranoia ruin his plans.  _ I have to do it, tonight. _

Yuta turned back around to him, taking one of Doyoung’s hands in his own. 

“Yuta, there’s something I want to--”

“Listen, I--” they both said at the same time, laughing at one another, before Doyoung prompted him to go first. He nervously played with the ring in his pocket, praying to whatever god or supernatural force was listening,  _ please let this all be in my head. _

“Baby, I think we need to talk.” Doyoung’s face visibly slackened, and Yuta took notice of it. He gently took Doyoung’s hand in his, stroking comforting circles with his thumbs as he continued to speak. 

“We have shared so many special memories together. I want you to know that. And I’m so grateful for everything that you have shared with me. I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend than you.”

Doyoung smiled gently at the man across from him, immediately relieved by his soothing words. Which only made the next sting all the more.

“Doyoung, I want you to know that I loved you, really. Part of me still does. But in the end, I don’t think we were truly made for each other.” He took Doyoung’s hand, still so tenderly, and placed it on the table. Doyoung didn’t look at his face, though he could feel Yuta staring at him. He  _ couldn’t  _ look, or else he felt he might break into a thousand pieces in front of the other man. Insignificant shards, that would be swept off, and join the wind. In a way, he wished he could, so he could be far away from right here, right now. So he could say that this wasn’t happening. It just  _ couldn’t be. _

“I know it’s so hard… to say goodbye. I’m really sorry Doyoung. But it’s not fair to you.”

“Is it so wrong to ask, why? Do you… love someone else?” Doyoung was desperate at this point. Hell, Yuta could have a secret lover in another country, or millions in gambling debt, a criminal record, he didn’t really care. He just didn’t want to let go of the one person that he cared about. The only one who really  _ saw _ him.

“Maybe… I’m not sure yet. I know this must be sudden, but I don’t want to lead you on. I just feel like we've drifted apart. We’re different people, living different lives. As cliché as it sounds… It’s not your fault, or anyone else’s, but my own decision. Maybe somewhere along the way I lost that spark, and I didn’t want to admit it at first. To you, or even to myself. But I realized that maybe I’m not as in love with you as I once was. And for that, I feel like a monster for admitting. Maybe I am.”

Doyoung shook his head at Yuta’s admission, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “You’re no monster,” he said, voice wavering with emotion. “I understand.”

Yuta held Doyoung’s head in between his palms for the second time that night, although instead of the adoring caress of a lover, it now had the patronizing touch of a parent. He felt a spoiled child, crying over a toy he couldn’t have. But the more he thought about it, that wasn’t far off from the truth. Yuta’s hands gently wiped the tears off of his face, and the warmth of his hands were gone too soon as he stood and turned to leave.

“Have a good night,” Yuta called from the doorway. “Although, I suppose that’s not as easy said as done, because I pretty much ruined both of our nights.”

Doyoung laughed, half sarcastically, half in self-pity. “Sleep well. Is it alright if I still call you sometimes?”

“Of course. Take care of yourself, Doyoung.” And with a blinding smile, he shut the door behind him, leaving his parting words to ring in Doyoung’s head. He thought to himself about how he had only seen that smile in the best of occasions, but tonight it had a tinge of sadness, of guilt. Doyoung found himself staring at the door for the next several minutes, as if expecting Yuta to waltz right back in and say it was only a joke after all, that he still loved Doyoung. But he waited in vain, the closed door mocking his childish faith. No matter how much he wished or cried, he knew Yuta had made his choice, and there was no going back to the way things were.

He shoved his hands in his pocket, digging around for his phone to distract himself from his thoughts. He startled slightly when his hands pulled out more than just his phone.

He noticed the patterned backside of a… playing card? Upon flipping, he took in a colorful illustration, with the words “THE FOOL” inscribed at the bottom. It appeared to be a tarot card, no doubt this was somehow related to Johnny. Doyoung was ready to give that crackpot a piece of his mind, but then realized it was quite late in the evening so he supposed he would have to wait until the morning to pay him a visit. 

Having half a mind to throw it in the trash, he let his curiosity get the best of him. As much as he wanted to think the Fool card was an effort at trying to mock him, as if to say “we told you so,” but he knew he might as well research it to see the real meanings. He now hated these stupid cards, but his despair forced him to take it seriously, to investigate further. If the tarot reading from this morning was a warning… it would be worth knowing whatever this had to tell him. 

A quick search on the web yielded surprisingly simple results: “The Fool: represents new beginnings, having faith in the future, improvisation and believing in the universe.” Leave it to  _ the universe _ to tell him to ‘have faith’ after he just spent the last hour feeling like he was in hell on earth. But sure, why not humor himself? Fate, free will, he didn’t particularly care, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t have the last say in things.

He huffed as he sunk into the couch, lying his head down on the cushions next to him. His eyes drifted to various nick-nacks on his coffee table. Among picture frames and books lay one of Yuta’s presents to him, distant memories flooding his mind that he now tried desperately to numb. He picked up a simple hourglass standing amidst the mementos, and flipped it, watching the sand rush down from the top into the lower chamber. The mesmerizing rush of the grains of sand kept him from realizing how heavy his eyelids were. Sleep soon wrapped around him like a dark blanket, able to take comfort in the silence and slipping into blissful slumber by the time the final grain fell.


	2. Turn Back Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins.

Doyoung woke up to sunlight pouring through his windows. Rubbing his blurry eyes, he grabbed his phone from next to him on the bed. His eyes hazily scanned the influx of notifications from various social media, as his feet were on autopilot to his closet, to find an outfit to wear. He was so consumed in daily routine that when he stopped for a moment to think, memories of the night before came rushing back, a wave of emotion hitting him like a truck. As well as how odd it was how quickly he was able to sleep, considering the painful emotions still weighing on his mind.

_ Wait, didn’t I fall asleep on the couch last night? Ehhh, maybe I walked back to my bed in the middle of the night and just don’t remember it.  _ He resumed looking at his phone, but it wasn’t until his eyes paused over the calendar app on his home screen, a chill running down his spine. 

**October 1st.** Yesterday’s date.

_ That can’t be right.  _ Maybe his phone did a system update while he was sleeping, so that’s why the day was off. He shrugged off any concern, but opened social media out of curiosity. A quick scroll from his timeline revealed no new posts, not even from some of his friends that seemed to take pictures of every meal and nightclub outing they went to.  _ Strange, but not that unusual.  _ He could’ve sworn Ten had posted about getting a new cat, but a quick search of his profile came up empty. Maybe it got deleted… 

It wasn’t until he got an incoming text that he realized how late it was getting, and that he had to hurry to get ready. Opening up the messaging app, he saw it was Taeyong. When he went to read the message however, he let out a small frown.

**Yongie**

_ Morning Doie!! We still on for coffee? I’m already here~ _

_ Don’t keep me waiting >.< _

**Me**

_? _

_ We got coffee yesterday… _

**Yongie**

_ No, we didn’t?? Did you hit your head or something?  _

_ Do you need to go to the doctor’s? _

**Me**

_ Look, if this is a prank or something, it’s not gonna work on me. _

**Yongie**

_ What are you talking about?  _

_ Just meet me at the coffee shop in 10, grumpy T.T _

  
  


_What kind of game was he pulling?_ He could get it if today was _April_ 1st, but it seemed a little strange for Taeyong to pull a prank on him now, of all the times. Especially after getting his heart stomped on the night before. What a great way to debut into being single again. 

He bundled up in a coat and scarf to brace for the chill autumn winds as he made his way to the train station where he usually met Taeyong, so they could walk to the coffeeshop together. As much as he complained, it still gave him something to take his mind off of his heartbreak. 

As he emerged from the subway station, he found Taeyong waiting for him as promised. Strangely, wearing the same clothes too… Doyoung shuddered.  _ What a blatant disgrace to personal hygiene.  _ Taeyong was his usual cheery self, waving a greeting to the disgruntled man.

“It’s the first of the month! You know what that means~~”

“It means you say the same exact crap as yesterday? Very funny. I’d call it Déjà vu but the last time I did something with you, my day didn’t exactly end well _.  _ And nice try, but it’s October 2nd.”

Taeyong just rolled his eyes and grabbed Doyoung’s arm, pulling him along the usual route. “You should really invest in a calendar. Because it is October 1st. I can’t believe you forgot when we have important plans today.”

Doyoung shook his head in disbelief. “You better not be taking me to that stupid psychic agian. You know, I still don’t believe in that fortune telling stuff, I don’t know why you think that kind of thing will help you.”

Taeyong stilled, biting his lip before whipping around to the other. “What do you mean again? I didn’t think you met Johnny before…” He paused to recall, and eventually gave up in favor of continuing his train of thought. “But Doyoung, you forget it’s not so much about  _ predicting  _ the future. I mean we still have free will. It’s just a way to get a second opinion about life, what choices you might have to make… what  _ could _ be.”

Doyoung stopped, bringing Taeyong who was still holding his arm in a vice grip to a halt as well. “Very elaborate planning. You are even saying the same things as yesterday. But guess what? I’m not that gullible. Did Johnny put you up to this? You should just give up the act.”

He had been friends with Taeyong since they were roommates in college, experiencing their first breakups and internships together. Doyoung knew Taeyong like he knew himself, and if there was one thing Taeyong was horrible at was acting. He couldn’t lie to save his life, so when he turned around to face Doyoung with a truly confused look in his eyes, he was taken aback for a second. Either Taeyong had magically gotten good at keeping up an act overnight, or he truly had no idea what Doyoung was talking about.  _ Now, things are starting to get a little creepy. _

Taeyong’s face was practically burning red with frustration. “Doyoung. I’m only gonna say this once. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you today, but if you have a problem with me you can say it to my face. Because you keep spouting all this bullshit about me ‘putting on an act.’ Now I don’t know what gave you that idea, because I can assure you whatever you think is going on, isn’t. So can we please not fight and just enjoy the day together?”

Taeyong had always been very gentle, never really raising his voice. But when he got angry? He was downright frightening. 

“So today… really is the first?” Doyoung asked skeptically.

Taeyong looked around, eyes finally settling on a newspaper stand nearby, picking up a copy to show to the latter. Printed in the margins on the top left corner was the date: OCTOBER 1, 2020. 

“Believe me now?”

Doyoung slowly nodded his head, still perplexed. It didn’t seem like he was lying… and the newspaper was evidence of that too. But that still didn’t explain  _ why  _ it seemed to be …  _ yesterday _ . 

“Stop being so damn paranoid. C’mon, you probably just need some coffee in your system.” 

Doyoung let the older drag him along. He would figure this out eventually, but for now the offer of coffee was too tempting to pass up.

  
  
  


**“** So what can I do for you today?” 

Doyoung answered without an ounce of hesitancy. “I’ll have the Americano, and he’ll take the Vanilla Bean Frappuccino.”

Taeyong stared at him with bewilderment. “How did you know what I was gonna order?”

Doyoung chuckled to himself bitterly. “Let’s just say I had a feeling.”

Once they were sat at their usual table, Taeyong fixed him with a look. Doyoung knew that look, and it was never followed by anything good. 

“You know what your problem is, Mr. Cynical?”

**“** Here we go again,” Doyoung sighed, expecting the same lecture as yesterday. Or… _ today? _ He picked up a straw, tearing open the wrapper with his teeth and projectile-blowing it towards Taeyong’s head.  _ Just as satisfying as it was the first time. _

“Let me guess, you’re going to convince me to go see Johnny with you?”

“I’m not gonna tell you to believe in it, I’m just saying don’t knock it before you try it. It might give you some insight.. Or inspiration. You’ve been having trouble writing your book lately, right?”

Yeah, hearing this the second time around really was exhausting. “No, I’m doing just fine, thanks. I just have.. Some things I need to work out.  _ Alone. _ ”

“C’mon, don’t be like that Doyoung.”

“I don’t need his help. Look, the barista is going to call out our order.”

Not a second later, the barista calls out their drinks, and Taeyong looks at him, brow furrowed. 

“Ok, what the hell is going on with you.”

“Like I said. A lot. So I don’t need your help, thanks.”

Taeyong sighed deeply, as if he was dealing with an impossible child. Which was partially true. Maybe he was acting childish, but he needed to figure out what the  _ hell  _ was going on, and going back to that shop with Taeyong was at the bottom of his list of priorities. 

He might not have a lot of time to figure this out, before ( _ god forbid) _ it repeated again. 

  
  
  


He wasn’t really sure where to begin his search, so he was not expecting to find himself at his local library, where his friend Jungwoo’s  _ favorite  _ author (which he would say about the author of every single book he read, but never about Doyoung’s books) was doing a book reading. So naturally, not wanting to go alone, he had called up Doyoung. He had mistakenly admitted he wasn’t doing anything at the moment, which Jungwoo took as a green light for forcing him to sit through the hour-long meeting. (“ _ Just think of it like.. a TedTalk! It will make you more intellectual.”) _

And so he agreed, as who could really win against his friends' weird superpower of having the most tearful puppy-eyed look that would make any empathetic cave in. At the very least, he knew he had to get out of his head, and thus, out of his apartment. He hated to say it, but maybe Johnny was right about changing up his perspective. I mean, they always say things are hidden in plain sight, right? Maybe he just needed to do the  _ least  _ seemingly helpful thing. 

Upon arriving, he discovered Jungwoo’s poor roommate Taeil had somehow gotten roped into this as well, so now at the very least Doyoung had someone to complain to if it got too boring.

They took their seats, and not long after a man introduced himself as Qian Kun, Doctor of Philosophy and Psychology. Doyoung found himself stunned into silence. He was very professional but still lighthearted, delving into his studies but explaining them in a way anyone could understand (something the majority of Doyoung’s teachers through his schooling could stand to learn from). Not to mention his voice was like honey, which made it really easy to listen to him talk for ages.

“…Fate and Free Will.” Doyoung’s head snapped up at this, coming out of his daydreaming. It seemed very familiar…

“You can argue that one is more present to our reality than the other, but the fact of the matter is that both are a lot more intertwined than we might think.”

Doyoung realizes it had piqued his interest because of its similarity to what Johnny had told him not long ago. Biting back a sigh of distaste, he forced himself to listen to it, nonetheless.

“If we say fate rules our lives, then all events, and subsequently are actions, are predetermined- they were  _ ‘destined’ _ to happen. But when one of these actions is self-determined, that should be considered free.” He chuckled as he scanned the crowd, Doyoung sensing that he was not the only one in the audience having trouble wrapping their heads around the words.

“Let me put it in a simpler manner: You all coming here today. We could say that you are here because you were destined to be here. But if you chose of your own free will to come here, regardless of whether you would’ve been forced to be here, is it not fate but now an act of free will? Theoretically there was no other option but to come here, but the fact that you actively made that decision means it should instead be considered an act of free will.”

_ Confusing... but makes sense, I guess, _ Doyoung mentally noted.

“To have truly  _ free _ actions, or free will, we need options. There needs to be an opportunity for one to  _ choose _ to do something other than what they would have normally done according to ‘fate.’”

Back in the comfort of his apartment, Doyoung still found himself milling over Kun's words. Quite ironic that he would be hearing so much about fate and free will. How could he make choices when there aren’t any possible ones to make, that didn’t end up with him getting dumped night after same night? Was he going to be doomed to live the same day over again until he figured out some hidden secret of the universe or something? It was too far along to be some elaborate practical joke by now, and it truly began to set in that he had no idea what to  _ do _ . Where to go. How would he get out of this? For the first time in a long time, he felt genuinely powerless in his own life. Completely, totally clueless. 

But he didn’t have the time to mull over countless possibilities. The time was ticking away. He had to try, at least. There was no way to know unless he tried. So as he tapped Yuta’s contact on his phone, he couldn’t help the anxious bounce of his leg as the dialing tone rang out.

“Hey babe, what’s up?” Yuta’s cheerful voice answered. He had to take a moment to compose himself, realizing this was the first time he’s heard Yuta’s voice since he was broken up with. I guess technically it hadn’t happened yet, but knowing it was coming still made the back of his throat sting and his eyes begin to water.

“Is there a way you could come home early today?”

“Oh, I dunno Doie, Mark and I are working through some melodies still. We might be a while.”

“You’ve been staying later and later--,” Doyoung began, realizing it was pointless.

“I know Doyoung. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be home soon.”

“I know. See you.”

He wasn’t really sure what getting Yuta to come home a few hours earlier would do, but it was worth a shot. 

Seeing Yuta’s smile as he entered the door, he realized he had every reason to worry.

He snaked his arms around Yuta’s waist, the other lightly placing his palms on the side of Doyoung’s face. He was ready to go in for a kiss like usual, but settled for a warm embrace instead. He hoped Yuta couldn’t feel his rapid heartbeat and know something was wrong.

No, Doyoung still had hope. He still made the same meticulously beautiful dinner as the day before, laid out on the table in front of them. He at least owed himself that much.

“What’s all this? You didn’t have to go all out for me, you know I eat takeout half the time anyways.”

“You’re worth it,” Doyoung plastered on his most convincing smile. He wasn’t going to let his chance go by in vain.  _ It’ll work, _ he mentally assured himself.

Yuta turned back around to him, taking one of Doyoung’s hands in his own. 

“Yuta, there’s something I want to--”

“Listen, I--” they both said at the same time, laughing at one another.

“Can I go first?” Doyoung innocently asked.  _ I have to get it out before he can break up with me. _

Yuta didn’t give him the chance though. “Baby, I think we need to talk.” 

Doyoung’s face visibly slackened, preparing for the inevitable. Somehow it felt easier to take this time around, now that it wasn’t coming out of nowhere. He knew what to expect. Yuta gently took Doyoung’s hand in his, stroking comforting circles with his thumbs as he continued to speak. 

“We have shared so many special memories together. I want you to know that. And I’m so grateful for everything that you have shared with me. I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend than you.”

Doyoung smiled gently at the man across from him, immediately relieved by his soothing words. Which only made the next sting all the more.

“... You’re going to say no, though. Right?”

Yuta looked on the verge of tears, almost like  _ he  _ was the one getting dumped. 

“Doyoung, you feel it too, don’t you?.” He took Doyoung’s hand, still so tenderly, and placed it on the table. Doyoung didn’t look at his face, though he could feel Yuta staring at him. He  _ couldn’t  _ look, or it would make it real. It just  _ couldn’t be. _

“I know it’s so hard… to say goodbye. I’m really sorry Doyoung. But my heart’s not in it anymore.”

“Why… why now? Why would you wait until now to tell me? You never seemed like you doubted us for a second. What happened to us, Yuta?”

“I just feel like we've drifted apart. We’re different people, living different lives. Maybe somewhere along the way I lost that spark, and I didn’t want to admit it at first. To you, or even to myself. But I realized that maybe I’m not as in love with you as I once was. God, I’m so sorry.”

It was the same words as yesterday. It felt like no matter what questions he asked, no matter how he begged, he would just end up hearing the same infuriatingly same dialogue.

Doyoung’s entire body shook from the frustration, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “Don’t be sorry,” he said, voice wavering with emotion he could no longer hold back. “I understand. You can go now.” 

Yuta held Doyoung’s head in between his palms for the second time that night, and that same lack of affection radiated from Yuta. He was a kind person, and Doyoung still loved him so much, but he could see now that there was no getting through to him. Not like this. 

“Of course. Take care of yourself, Doyoung.” Yuta’s hands gently wiped the tears off of his face, and the warmth of his hands were gone too soon as he stood and turned to leave. 

Nothing had changed, it was just the same as yesterday. And only slightly less painful, since he had seen it coming, despite his hopes that maybe it would somehow be different this time.

  
  


This wasn’t working. He needed to adjust his strategy.  _ He needed a plan. _


	3. Chain

It was all or nothing.

  
  


Doyoung opened his eyes. He was greeted by the familiar apartment walls, sounds of the city bustling outside his sunny window. His throat was unbearably dry.  _ Huh,  _ he’d never noticed that before. Despite it being the same day again, it was like proof he had fallen asleep crying. He knew it wasn’t though. He hadn’t had anything to cry about yet.

The funny thing about living the same day over again- it’s not so bad. Of course, he didn’t  _ want _ to be living the same day over again. But after the first couple re-do’s, he sank into a familiar comfort of it being the same day. Same texts every morning that led to the same coffee shops, the same tarot cards that told him the same fate, over and over again. 

It was like he was a music box, continually wound up again and again, always fated to play the same tune until the end of time. 

He didn’t have to worry about messing the day up. Because no matter what, as sure as the sun would rise, he knew he would see the same day over again. It was his own personal hell, sure, but at the same time it wasn’t so bad. It’s like now he finally had the time to slow down and really look at it all. He didn’t need to be rushing off to anywhere that he couldn’t do the next time today came. 

Yesterday was today, and so was tomorrow. Today was forever. 

He could do whatever he wanted. He wondered if that’s what immortality felt like.

But there was still that unsettling feeling in his stomach. How many times would he have to do things over until he discovered what the  _ right  _ thing to do, or say, that turned everything back to normal. That didn’t end up with a night of painful goodbyes. 

But there was nothing he could do but live through it. Keep trying or give up, it didn’t matter. But he might as well enjoy it either way. 

He had never considered himself an optimist before, but this didn’t seem like a bad time to try it. After all, Johnny had mentioned all those “ _ todays” _ ago that he needed a change of perspective.

  
  
  


He had tried to get there. He had tried the obvious things.

_ “Taeyong, I’m really sorry. I know it’s the first-” He grimaced internally. It was probably the 234th of October by now. But nobody knew that but him. “-but I’m gonna have to call a raincheck on the coffee date. And the tarot reading. I’ve got some things I gotta do today. But we could do it tomorrow?” _

He had felt really bad blowing off his friend, but he had to make some time for himself. 

He got Yuta to spend the whole day at home with him. Of course, Yuta was working on some new song at the studio and didn’t want to budge, but with enough pleading Doyoung was able to convince him. The time spent together was nice. He had gotten broken up with so many times now, that he could finally be around Yuta without feeling pain anymore. Even the words  _ “let’s breakup”  _ didn’t bring anything to the surface. I guess getting broken up with every day will do that to you.

He thought getting Yuta to spend the whole day with him would change his mind, remind him of what he would be missing. But maybe it just backfired, driving home the point of how much Yuta did  _ not  _ want to be with him. 

He wasn’t rude about it, or even that obvious. But in seeing the same things you start to pay attention to them more. The glances at the clock. The checking for phone notifications. Sure, he paid attention to Doyoung, but sometimes it seemed like he wasn’t fully  _ there. _

Doyoung wasn’t an idiot. It was obvious to see that Yuta just wasn’t that into him. He figured he might as well go big or go home. So he dropped to a knee and pulled out a ring, and like expected, Yuta politely declined. It didn’t hurt Doyoung’s pride at all. He saw it coming, anyways.

  
  


Somewhere among the 30th day he decided he might as well have a little fun with things (he was somewhat embarrassed by the fact that he was keeping track of all his failed attempts, but he needed some connection to reality). 

It was stupid things at first, like putting salt instead of sugar in Taeyong’s coffee, or putting an absurd amount of spices into the dinner and watching Yuta cough his lungs out. But the cheap pranks didn’t do anything really, besides making a little harmless fun. Well,  _ somewhat _ harmless. 

But then he realized that while he knew Yuta didn’t love him, he didn’t really know  _ why _ . There didn’t really need to be a why. But maybe he had watched too many spy movies as a kid, and a stakeout seemed really fun.

  
  


So when he pulled up outside of Taeyong’s apartment building and called him out of the blue, Taeyong naturally was a little suspicious.

“Remind me of why we’re dressed in all black like robbers?”

“I thought Robbers wore those little black and white striped shirts? And ski masks?”

Taeyong scoffed. “This isn’t the Sims, dumbass. Now tell me what we’re doing please. I’m concerned for you.”

Doyoung put on his best innocent face. Taeyong was better at the whole puppy eyes thing, but he figured it’ll be close enough.

“Dearest Taeyong,” He grabbed his hand and held it to his chest for added theatrical effect, “Will you go on a stakeout with me?”

“...What? Wait, like that’s it?”

Doyoung nodded slowly. “You didn’t think we were actually doing something criminal, right?”

“I had my doubts…”

Doyoung pouted for real this time. “Taeyong! How long have we been friends! The lack of trust…”

“Let’s just go before I change my mind.”

Taeyong looked annoyed, but it quickly dissolved into a mischievous smile.

“We’re partners in crime now. Bonnie and Clyde, baby.”

Taeyong raised his eyebrows. “I thought we weren’t doing anything illegal? And didn’t they end up dying?”

“... Um, we better get going!”

  
  


He turned of the ignition, parking the car in a side alley. 

“You still haven’t told me who we’re spying on.” He leaned over the glove compartment, grabbing a pair of binoculars from Doyoung’s grip. “Plus, it’s like broad daylight. Aren’t you supposed to do this kind of stuff at night?”

“Shh, any moment now.”

Just then, Yuta bust out of the side door, his coworker Mark on his tail. Doyoung shoved Taeyong’s head down, as he peered over the top of the steering wheel while the two passed by.

Taeyong peeked his head up as they crossed the street. “We’re spying on your  _ boyfriend _ ?” 

“Ok, fine, yes.”

“Damn, I’m surprised he didn’t notice your car,” Taeyong remarked under his breath.

“Don’t worry about that now, we gotta follow them! C’mon.”

He grabbed Taeyong’s hand as they weaved their way through the crowd.  _ Damn Yuta’s long legs. He walked so freaking fast.  _ Poor mark was practically running to catch up with him. They walked for a block or so before turning into a Dim Sum place, Doyoung and Taeyong only a few paces behind.

“Do we go inside?” Taeyong asked.

Doyoung thought for a minute. Inside they risked being seen, but it was also kind of awkward if they were just staring through the window at them… that might draw more attention. 

“Inside.”

“Wait, this is actually perfect. I’m starving,” Taeyong said as they were ushered to a table, Doyoung chuckling to himself. 

“Talk about good timing. Ok, you sit facing Yuta, I’ll face the window. He won’t be suspicious if he sees you, but I don’t want him to see me.”

“But, what are you looking for? You don’t think he’s…” Taeyong faulted, dropping his words off. 

“Cheating?”

“No, I didn’t mean-- I mean, I’m sure he just--”

“It’s ok Taeyong. I know what you mean. I don’t think he would, but I just wanted to see things for myself. Or well, I guess you’re the one that would see anything out of the ordinary.”

Taeyong peeped over the top of his menu ( _ cutely _ , he had to admit). “Anything happen yet?”

Taeyong shook his head, still buried in the menu. “Just, talking. Umm, they’re kind of laughing now? I dunno, he’s petting Mark’s head. Is that normal?”

Doyoung had to laugh at Taeyong’s objective observations. He stole a glance behind him, and sure enough Yuta was looking at Mark with a smile on his face, as they dug into their food. 

“I guess it’s not that weird,” Doyoung admitted. On the surface, it seemed pretty normal. He never knew Yuta was that close with Mark. But then again, he was never sneaking around, using stolen glances like this to see it. No, Yuta wasn’t cheating on him. At least he could know that. But, maybe that’s why Yuta wanted to break it off like that. Maybe he was seeing the moment that it finally clicked for Yuta. That Doyoung wasn’t his forever. 

It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would, though. He’d grown apart from friends growing up, it wasn’t like they left him purposefully, they had just gone different ways. 

This time, it was his time to move on.

  
  


It was like one final test, to be absolutely sure. And he was sure now.

It was time to give up.

  
  


On  _ Yuta, _ that is. No, he wouldn’t give up on himself though. If there was one thing that stayed the same just like the never ending day, it was his persistence. 

Taeyong always told him he was stubborn, but he didn’t really believe it. Now he was starting to see that he wasn’t actually that far off.

He thought back to earlier with Taeyong, a piece of rice stuck to the side of his lip, as he talked about something animatedly. Taeyong who followed him wherever, no questions asked (well,  _ some _ questions asked). Taeyong who always set him on the right track. 

Doyoung smiled to himself. At least he knew he had one person on his side who wouldn’t say goodbye at the end of the day.

No matter how many days they spent together, whether he knew it or not.


	4. Resonance

There was only one person that came to mind that could help him. One place he hadn’t gone yet. Or well, he had gone, but not since that first day.

Doyoung wasn’t sure exactly  _ where _ he expected to find the knowledge of how to return to normal. But he was pretty sure that crackpot “psychic” Johnny had something to do with it. And seeing the present circumstances, he didn’t exactly have anything to lose. Spending time (no matter  _ how  _ much he had of it) to try and fix things with Yuta was pointless, he knew that now. Suddenly he felt like he was in the driver’s seat again, he was just on the tip of the iceberg to figuring out what this all meant. But he couldn’t do it alone.

He didn’t expect to willingly go back to Johnny’s tarot shop with Taeyong, but he had some questions and no answers. It’s kind of surprising he hadn’t taken it seriously before, but it’s probably because he somehow subconsciously blamed Johnny for this whole situation, so he didn’t exactly want to go back to where the nightmare started.

But then again, he didn’t exactly have anything to lose. Sure he had tried going to the shop a few times before, but that was back when he was still hell-bent on trying to get Yuta to love him back. 

The crystals scattered throughout the shop gleamed in the morning light, as Taeyong bounced excitedly in his seat, like instead of Johnny walking out it was gonna be someone with a check for a million dollars. Taeyong was a pretty excitable person though, which Doyoung had always admired. But that did come with a price. He never let people know if he was truly struggling, instead effortlessly hiding it behind polite smiles and gentle words. He worried about him. Was he doing that now?

He didn’t have time to think too much about that before Johnny beckoned them in, pulling out chairs for them to sit down at the little round table. 

“Taeyong, nice to see you again! How are you?”

“Oh you know, same as always. I hope you don’t mind I dragged my friend here. I will say, he’s… a bit of a skeptic.”

“Well, not so much anymore,” Doyoung admitted.

Johnny stared at him as though he was seeing right through him, and for a second he thought he really did. “Your energy feels familiar, but I can’t recall meeting you before. Perhaps, indeed you are not a newcomer here… we have already met, but you seek more advice?”

“Oh, no he hasn’t been here befo--” Taeyong began, before Doyoung cut in.

“Ok, I guess you’re wiser than I first gave you credit for. Which reminds me,”

He dug into his pocket, fishing out a tarot card and placing it on the table. “I have something to return, I believe it’s yours.” 

Johnny’s eyebrows raised as he examined the card. He was kind of surprised he still had it, it seemed like the only evidence that all of this wasn’t some sick dream he couldn’t wake up from.

“... Thank you, I don’t recall loaning this--” He paused for a moment. He cut the deck that lay near his right hand, and laid all the cards out. He brought the card Doyoung gave him and laid it out in front of him, and picked up a card from his own deck. 

The exact same card.  _ The Fool _ .

“This is quite strange,” Johnny muttered to himself. “Taeyong, if you don’t mind, may I do his reading first? I’m quite interested.”

Taeyong nodded in quiet shock as Johnny took a deep breath, collecting the cards once again. 

“Remember, ‘How’ or ‘Why’ are the best questions to ask. Gives me a little more room to interpret what the cards bring up. And most importantly: Tarot doesn’t make the decisions for us. _ We  _ make the decisions. It only guides us towards our best path.”

  
  


_ He had his question. _

“Right now I’m stuck, so… How do I move on?”

Johnny hummed, closing his eyes to concentrate. 

“Well, since you seemed to have my  _ Fool _ card with you, you’ve been on quite the journey, haven’t you?”

He scoffed.  _ You could say that again. _

A few cards fell out as soon as he began shuffling. “Hmm, the cards are quite talkative today. Let’s see now… ah, makes sense.”

He arranges the cards in front of Doyoung. “It makes sense you are figuring things out now, and seeing things from a different light, because you got the Judgement card.” 

One look at the card and it didn’t exactly look like good news, but Johnny seemed optimistic enough as he continued. “You’re ending a current chapter of your life, and ready to embark on a new one.”

“Yeah, I pretty much know that. I’m not sure how to exactly, um, move on though. Can you tell me anything about that?”

A few more shuffles, and a card with the image of a blindfolded woman comes out. “Eight of swords. Looks like you’re getting closer to the truth, but you’re not quite there yet. Something’s still missing, you still have your blinders on. See how she’s blindfolded? The swords near her surround her, but don’t block her path. She may be flying blind, but she’s got a straight shot out of there. She’s not as tied up as she feels she is.”

“So… what does that mean?”

He throws down another card. “4 of cups. See, if you look at the card, he’s so focused on the three cups in front of him he fails to notice the fourth-- another opportunity is right behind him, waiting for him. The only thing you need to know coming out of this reading is that the answer you’re looking for has been there the whole time. You’ve let other things distract you from seeing what’s right there next to you.”

Doyoung glanced at Taeyong, whose face reddened as he shyly looked away. 

“Metaphorically speaking, of course” Johnny quickly tried to correct himself, but was still a moment late. “Let’s see what your future holds.”

“2 of cups! Wow, congrats dude!” Doyoung looked at the card, two figures each holding up a cup to toast. “I wouldn’t worry about your situation too much. It seems like you have everything you need already by your side.” Doyoung didn’t miss the way Johnny’s eyes again darted towards Taeyong before he got up to shake his hand, finishing the reading.

  
  


Once they had left the tarot shop and were back on the street again, Taeyong pulled Doyoung aside. 

“So… what was up with that reading?”

Doyoung paused for a moment. He wasn’t really sure how much he should be telling Taeyong, let alone if he would even believe him. Perhaps a more subtle route was best.

Taeyong sensed his hesitancy, apologizing. “I mean, it’s not like you have to tell me or anything. I’m just… curious. Is everything going alright with Yuta?”

“Oh yeah, funny thing about that… I actually broke up with him this morning. Over the phone. Which I guess was pretty shitty of me to do, but he was going to break up with me later today anyway.”  _ Shit. What was that again about not telling Taeyong? _

“Oh my god, I’m sorry…” 

“No, don’t be. It was a long time coming.”

They started walking again, and Doyoung was sure if he looked close enough he could probably see the gears whirring in Taeyong’s brain, searching to make sense of Doyoung’s sudden admission.

“But, why so suddenly? I mean you two are--  _ were _ practically inseparable. You looked like you were so in love. What happened?”

In the spirit of transparency, Doyoung figured he might as well go big or go home. He could trust Taeyong, and hell, he probably could benefit from telling him too. 

“It seemed so complicated, but in hindsight looking back at it, it was so simple. I tried doing everything. I tried doing nothing. It got me nowhere.” 

Taeyong looked just as confused as when Doyoung started explaining, but he just kept going. “Honestly, I’m over it. I’m ready to begin again.”

“Like.. you’re gonna get back out there? Start dating again?”

Doyoung breathed in the chill morning air, and glanced up towards the sky. Brilliant blue stretching on for miles, a few wisps of clouds decorating it, the crunch of leaves below his feet.  _ Yeah. This was nice. Not worrying about things for once in god knows how long. _

And Johnny… he had been acting really weird, as if he was trying to set up the two of them. Maybe that would be something worth exploring. Taeyong had been keeping to himself lately, at least that’s what Doyoung thought. But the more he considered it, he realized he had been so caught up in trying to win Yuta back that he had practically neglected his friend. Multiple times. Not that it really counted, since the clock always reset at the end of the day. But it was still kind of shitty of him. 

“I dunno yet. I kind of just want to spend time with the people who matter. Like you.”

Taeyong let out a surprised squeak at Doyoung’s unexpected words, which sent the latter into a fit of laughter. 

Just like how visiting Johnny again gave him new insight on his situation, maybe spending time with Taeyong would reveal something new, that he hadn’t bothered to look for before… something he might not be telling Doyoung. That he was too-self absorbed to notice before.

“So… what do you wanna do today?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a shorter chapter for now, but the next and final chapter will be a bit longer to make up for it (plus an epilogue if I feel like it) so look forward to that!


	5. Puzzle Piece

It was pretty impressive how quickly Taeyong was able to throw something together to surprise Doyoung, considering the fact that he probably hadn’t expected to be spending the whole day with Doyoung.

He had cloistered himself in the kitchen, telling Doyoung to keep himself busy in the meantime. It gave Doyoung a chance to really look around, breathe the place in. Of course he had been in Taeyong’s apartment before, but it had been a while. Besides, he had always loved that part about visiting other people’s homes. Seeing the pictures lining the walls and knick-knacks scattered on desks, shelves, and coffee tables. The subtle signs of life, like worn spines of books and unraveling threads on the sofa’s throw pillows. He felt like he was getting a glimpse into Taeyong’s life. 

The apartment itself was neat and tidy, as expected. But it was somewhat nostalgic. Like a polaroid picture of them together framed on a bookshelf, it reminded Doyoung of all the times they had spent together. As he heard Taeyong clanking around in the kitchen, it felt like he had finally come back home.

It wasn’t perfect, nor what he had imagined, but it was more than enough.

  
  


“Doyoung, can you help me out?” Taeyong called from the next room.

Upon entering the kitchen, Doyoung discovered it was the one room in the whole place that actually was a disaster. But it was an organized mess. It felt like an artist’s studio, there were trays of finished miniature sandwiches, surrounded by plates of various fillings and condiments, a testament to the creative process. 

Taeyong looked at home among it, a blur of motion, organizing the food onto the trays like a carefully choreographed dance meant just for Doyoung to see. 

“Can you put those in the basket for me?” Doyoung looked to his left to find a wicker picnic basket resting on the counter, complete with little cocktail napkins and silverware and a picnic blanket all tucked into it.

“What is all this?”

“I thought we could have a little picnic? You know, by the river? It’s pretty nice out--”

He was interrupted by a sudden pattering sound. Doyoung ran to the window, and lifting the shade, was met by the view of a downpour just outside the apartment building.

_ That’s funny. _ He wondered to himself.  _ I’d never noticed it rain before… _

“Umm, we might need to take a raincheck on that. Damn, it was so sunny earlier too.. That rain really came out of nowhere, huh… Taeyong?”

“Hold on a second.” he scurried down the hall, returning with a few blankets. “I guess if it’s raining out there, we’ll just have to have our picnic in here.”

Doyoung grabbed the picnic basket, smiling. “Sounds perfect to me. Hey, and this way the wind won’t blow all our stuff away.”

Taeyong got to work setting up their food, laying out trays of little sandwiches and snacks, while Doyoung placed a blanket down on the ground, and used the rest of the stack of blankets Taeyong had retrieved earlier and some spare pillows to make a blanket fort, the finishing touch a string of fairy lights across the top.

“Wow, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re a professional at blanket-fort-building.”

“Ah geez, don’t flatter me. My parents preferred the indoors to camping outside when I was growing up, so I learned a thing or two in my prime.”

Taeyong giggled. “One final touch.” He brought a bottle of wine out of the basket, and two fancy glasses.

“Oh, so it's an  _ adult _ picnic,” Doyoung remarked.

“Well, might as well have a little fun with it, right?” Taeyong raised his glass, clinking it against Doyoung’s.

“Yeah, I’ll toast to that.” 

  
  


A couple of Ghibli movies, several eaten sandwiches and downed glasses of wine later, the room was painted with a cozy orange glow of the setting sun. Doyoung glanced at the clock, seeing that it was already 6:00. 

“Damn, it’s getting late.”

Taeyong looked at the clock, before turning back to Doyoung with a frown. “Do you have to leave?”

“No, no. I didn’t mean it like that. I guess I’m just… surprised at how fast the time flew by. I don’t need to leave just yet.”

“Oh,” Taeyong breathed out a small sigh, reclining back on his elbows. “That’s good. By the way, thanks for keeping me company today.”

Doyoung glanced at Taeyong, who was looking up at him with a smile. He’d seen that smile thousands of times probably. But it never got old. And this time… something was different about it. Something in his expression that was almost… hopeful.

“Believe me, you were the one keeping  _ me  _ company. Plus you made all this food for us. So I should be the one thanking you.”

Maybe it was the buzz of the alcohol, like electricity crackling through his body, opening up doors in his mind for his thoughts to come through, unclouded by judgement. No filter. At least, no filter from his brain to his mouth.

“You are really something,” He found himself saying before he could even stop himself. It was ironic that it took a little alcohol for him to loosen up like this, to be more open to suggestion like this. The suggestion that perhaps Taeyong was a little more than a friend to him.

He got on his elbows, lowering himself down to Taeyong’s level where he lay on the picnic blanket. No, the alcohol wasn’t the defining feature that changed his appreciation. It just made things more glaringly obvious. As if it was always there, it just needed a little coaxing to finally come out and show itself. And now that it was out in the open, it was an epiphany impossible to ignore. 

Like the haze that set over his brain was not intoxication of alcohol, but the intoxication of Taeyong. He found himself staring into Taeyongs eyes, the other holding his gaze, if not out of curiosity for the sudden change in mood of Doyoung.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Why have I never looked at you like that…” Doyoung muttered aloud without realizing. No matter, it was worth saying. No need to get embarrassed now. 

“I get it now. What Johnny was saying. It’s so god damn obvious, I have to have been an idiot to not realize it before.”

Taeyong raised his eyebrows, unable to make heads or tails of Doyoung’s cryptic words. “Doyoung? What are you talking--”

Taeyong didn’t have time to finish his sentence before Doyoung scooted closer to him, tenderly cupping his head with a hand and looking into his eyes. A heartbeat, an inhale, a millisecond maybe passed before Doyoung’s lips reach to connect with Taeyong’s. 

He didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t that. It was better than he ever dreamed. It felt like coming home. He felt like a giddy teen again, finally confessing to his crush. Did he have a crush on Taeyong? He’s kissing him right now, so he guesses so. How come he had never realized it before, when Taeyong had been right there, since the beginning?

He pulled back from the tender kiss and couldn’t help the smile that crept on his lips. Taeyong’s face told a different story. One of shock, disbelief almost. He pulled Doyoung in again, just to be sure. As if to make sure he wasn’t dreaming it.

When they pulled back again for air, it was like time stopped just for them. The neverending flow of days was silenced for once, slipping into the background if only for this exact moment. He thought he had learned a lot about life and himself in all those days, but as he stared back into Taeyong's eyes, breath fanning against his lips, arms feeling so full and comforted in their embrace, he realized he was only just beginning to understand. His hand snaked through Taeyong’s hair, and he realized he just couldn’t get enough of him, peppering small kisses all over Taeyong’s face and neck with such genuine love that the latter couldn’t help the giggle that rose out of his throat. 

Of all the confessions he expected, all the different redo’s he had, he hadn’t expected the greatest confession of love to be one of few words at all. But he didn’t need such words with Taeyong, not when they could just feel the love radiating from each other and understand on some unspoken but undeniable level.

  
  


“Where have you been all this time?” Doyoung muttered into his shoulder.

Taeyong pulled back slightly, daring Doyoung to look him deep in the eyes. 

“I’ve always been right here, waiting for you. Waiting for you to  _ really _ see me. It took a while for you to realize, but I would’ve waited forever. And I’m so glad that you finally do.”

“I never realized you liked me. I guess I was just so caught up with other things, I never really paid attention to you. I’m sorry Taeyong.”

Taeyong smiled, kissing his cheek gently. “Don’t apologize. You’re here now, that’s all that matters. Stay with me, Doyoung.”

Doyoung brushed his hands gently over Taeyong’s hair, the latter humming softly as they lay curled up together. Surrounded with the warmth of the embrace, he felt himself slowly succumbing to sleep. He smiled to himself, a single thought passing through his mind as he nodded off.

He thought about how he wouldn’t mind living through a thousand October 1st’s if it meant he could be with Taeyong like this every day. 

  
  


“I’ll be with you forever, always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's basically the end... but I'm still gonna whip up a quick epilogue, so stay tuned for that!


	6. My Everything (epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick epilogue to wrap up this story!! (P.S. if you are interested in my writing process, check out my end note.)

Doyoung learned to stop counting the days.

Not because they didn’t matter. But because he knew he had more than enough.

  
  


He never did figure out how he broke the time loop. It was over all of a sudden, with no warning or even any indication that things were different. Except of course, for waking up with Taeyong still in his arms, muttering a sleepy “good morning” when he had noticed Doyoung start to wake.

He had almost screamed at the other man, clearly not expecting anything different than the usual morning he had grown accustomed to. So when he reached past his boyfriend (at least, that’s what he figured they were by now) to grab his phone and it read  **October 2** at the top, he almost thought he was dreaming. 

Almost.

  
  


_ That was five months ago _ , he reminded himself as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Hair neatly gelled back out of his face, a few unruly strands had escaped. He took a deep breath and pinned the flower to his lapel. His satin white suit was wrinkle free, but he still ran his hands over it, more to brush out his own nerves than anything actually on the suit.

“ _ Doyoung.”  _ He turned around to see Yuta smiling at him. “It’s time.”

He took a deep breath, and followed his ex out the door of the small room, into the hall decorated with purple and blue flowers.

It seemed a little funny to have his ex as his best man, but then again, Yuta had (if not indirectly) helped Doyoung figure out a lot of things about himself. And it’s not like he held any resentment about it either. They had stayed on good terms all this time. He had even brought Mark as his plus one, which even Taeyong couldn’t help but coo at.

As he stood in front of a large pair of double doors, he forced himself to take a deep breath. He followed Yuta and the other groomsmen who went to take their place at the end of the altar. But as he patiently waited for those doors to open a second time, the organ piano chiming in the all too familiar tune, he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to breathe properly again. 

He watched Taeyong walk down the aisle towards him. Not really  _ watched,  _ so much as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight. 

His life was so much different than he imagined less than a half a year ago, but  _ god,  _ he wouldn’t trade this for anything. He would voluntarily live this day over and over again. All to see how beautiful Taeyong looked.  _ His  _ Taeyong.

He didn’t even notice his eyes brim with tears as Taeyong finally met him, joining his hands. He gently rubbed his thumb over the back, consoling Doyoung’s nerves in a way only he knew how.

“Are you ready for this?”

“More ready than anything. You wanna know why?”

Taeyong gave a curious smile at Doyoung’s hushed question.

“It’s the first of the month. Do you know what that means?”

Taeyong chuckled at Doyoung parroting his words. “No, what?”

“It means we’re getting married. And it’s gonna be the best day of my whole life.”

  
  


They laughed to themselves, taking a moment to enjoy each other’s presence before the wedding began. 

As Doyoung looked out into the crowd of his friends and family, his eyes met for a second with Johnny, and he could’ve sworn he winked.

_ Huh.  _

He gave up any thought that Johnny may be behind this, and turned back to his husband-to-be. As he stared into Taeyong’s eyes, he saw his past, present and future. And there was no other person he would rather share that with. 

_ No matter how many times. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe it’s really over T_T … This story is very dear to me and I might have updated it pretty quickly, but writing it wasn’t necessarily easy. It took me a while to really get started with it and a few rewrites until I was satisfied with the final product.
> 
> \- I based the concept off the lyrics of Love Me Now, but I felt “Yestoday” made a better title, since it represented how Doyoung lived the same “yesterday” as a new “today” each day.
> 
> -In the first draft of this au, I was going to have a lot darker themes. Yuta was a central part of this au now, but he originally wasn’t even going to be a character. Doyoung was already dating Taeyong, but Taeyong died suddenly, and so the time loop aspect revolved around him trying to prevent Taeyong’s death, rather than just a breakup. Doyoung would have learned about grief and acceptance of things we can’t change even though we wish we could. But I felt that was a lot more morbid of a story than I was really willing to tell, so I’m very happy with the alternative I was able to come up with. It was the first time in a while that I felt I could really just write whatever I wanted, and not worry too much about the end product, and I feel like I ended up with a more raw and authentic story that way.
> 
> Thank you for staying long enough to read this. I really appreciate all the support, and I hope this story encourages you to take new perspectives on your own lives. Until we meet again! (which is sooner than you might think, as I am seriously considering making a sequel to this au, this time from Taeyong’s P.O.V. bc honestly I am in love with this story and want to keep writing it >.<)


End file.
